swing dancing lessons

I've recently taken up swing dancing with a group of my friends. Every Monday night we have an hour-long lesson with the rest of the beginning class, in a cute old ballroom located on the second floor of a club. The instructors would start off each lesson by teaching us a series of steps, urging us to call out the moves as we dance in order to improve muscle memory. We stood in three long lines, chanting, "walk, walk, triple-step. walk, walk, triple-step." We rotated partners often throughout the lesson, giving us the chance to experience everyone's unique swing dancing style. Now, I pick up new choreography fairly easy, most likely due to my many years in ballet and choir, but the same cannot be said for many of my partners. I found myself getting frustrated very quickly when I had a partner who did the steps wrong, or led me in the wrong direction, or stumbled over his feet and couldn't stay on beat. I know I am in a beginning class, and should be more forgiving of errors, but it just wasn't fun when my partner needed my coaching.

After the lesson, my group of friends moved downstairs to try out our new moves in the club. It was intimidating, to say the least. The club was filled with advanced swing dancers who were laughing as they twirled and spun across the dance floor at breakneck speeds. For the next half hour or so, my group stuck in our comfortable little corner, doing the same moves over and over. So far we’ve learned a six-count step and an eight-count step, and we practiced those moves until we had them perfect. We even threw in a few twirls when we were feeling risky.

I was high-fiving my friends as we laughed about our "mad skills" and how we were "tearing up the dance floor" when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hi. Do you want to dance?"
I looked around. Who, me? “Um, sure. But I’m really new at this.”
“Oh that’s okay. Which dances do you know?”
“Uh…the one that goes ‘walk, walk, triple-step.’ And the ‘triple-step, triple-step, rock-step’ one.”
He laughs. “Those aren’t dances. Here, I’ll teach you the Charleston.”

And with that I was swept off into a dizzying crowd of people. His name was Daniel, he taught himself how to swing dance by watching YouTube videos, and he had no fingers on his left hand (a fact that I didn’t even notice until two songs later.) Somehow, I found myself doing the Charleston and many other dances I don’t know the names for, with very little coaching. No words were needed, because Daniel led me so confidently and precisely. Even with his deformity, I knew exactly when I was expected to turn or switch positions through subtle nonverbal clues. It was a huge contrast from the partners I had in my beginning class, and I left that night thinking that swing dancing is the most fun thing I had ever done.

God must be a fan of literary devices. Jesus used countless parables and allegories as he taught crowds, and I’ve recently noticed the same thing happening in my own life. Day to day happenings, such as spending a night out swing dancing with friends, will suddenly resonate with concepts I’ve been struggling with for months. In this case, swing dancing closely parallels some of my recent relationships.

I am always tempted to be an initiator. I like to get things done. I like to talk about situations and feelings, get it all out in the open, deal with it. This is a flaw that most Christian women don’t understand or recognize in themselves—the desire to lead when we are displeased with how men are handling things in our relationships. No, you’re doing the dance all wrong. Step here, put your hand on my back, turn this way, do that. Much better. It’s hard to let someone lead when you think they are doing it incorrectly. This desire to initiate is what causes me to tell guys I have a crush on them, or that I could see us dating sometime in the future. This is not honesty that should be applauded; rather, it is my sinful desire to start a relationship before God has declared it time.

We live in a society that commends strong women. It is deemed old-fashioned to expect the man to call first or pay on dates. Feminists call for an end to chivalry—opening doors for women is now considered an insult to the “fairer sex.” In this same way, Biblical depictions of men and women are considered out-dated. Submission and leadership roles have been blurred in the pursuit of equality.

A good friend once interrupted me while I was talking about some boy I was interested in, dropping this little nugget of brutal truth. He told me that, as much as I want a relationship, I’m not going to be happy unless I let the guy pursue me. This has stuck with me for a while now, and was reinforced last night when I was out swing dancing. Daniel taught me that I have a lot more fun when I’m not trying to lead. I may not know all the steps perfectly or the name of the dance that we’re doing, but that doesn’t matter. My job is to give up control to Someone who does know, and when it's the right time He will send me twirling and spinning through life with a dance partner who is perfect for me.